Hello from my new home in the Georgia mountains! I have been wanting to write this blog since moving here, but I’ve been a bit hyper focused on unpacking, ripping up carpet (if you know me you knew I’d change something here), decorating, getting the lay of the land, sorting out the challenges of mountain living .
I remember feeling like the universe was unfolding a pre-made plan for me when I met Steve. The feeling of synchronicity in how our worlds collided again simply because of people who really shouldn’t have been in our lives (ie bad influences). That feeling of knowing I was supposed to meet the person in front of me right when I did, and how I knew he was going to be a big part of my life and change me.
I feel this same feeling about this house. When I was on my river trip, Mineral Bluff put it’s hooks in me, and I felt when I got home like I left a huge part of my soul there. When my friend Erica and I both started discussions about buying a house together, I really was just thankful for someone who was willing to take a risk on me and help make this transition a positive one that I had no real attachment to the outcome of where we would move.
We talked at length about options, joined Zillow to share our liked houses, discussed our realistic budgets and how if we did more than a set number for my sake 50/50 would have to change, and our willingness to compromise. We had this dream property in mind, and in all the places we went to see in person it just so happened that Mineral Bluff was the perfect space. It was in the budget, it had the land, the nature, the views, and well it was as if my soul was answering a call to return to Mineral Bluff. The synchronicity of it is that this was a house my roommate had picked out and fell in love with online, and that I was being called to live here so powerfully that it spoke to her too!
Leaving the house where Steve and I spent our entire relationship terrified me. When we got our first offer for someone to buy it, it was on the exact day 9 years later that I had moved in with Steve. I read a Facebook status that said, “All moved in with Steve Dezember II I hope he knows what he’s in for ;)” minutes before his parents texted me that they had a good offer on the house.
Now that I am in the position to share the details of this place, I would like to thank my roommate for being willing to pay extra to make this dream come true for both of us, I would like to thank Steve’s parents for giving me some of the money they made from the Johns Creek house. The house was sold as a fixer upper, as it was out of my capabilities to maintain the house that had already had problems while taking care of Steve full time. As sad as I was to let go of this house, I did feel a sense of relief to not have to look at the mountain of problems as well as a sense of happiness that the house would get the care it honestly deserved the past 9 years.
I’m thankful to everyone who bought my art and belongings I was desperately trying to sell to come up with our deposit for this house, I’m thankful for the life insurance policy that Steve’s old job had without our knowledge so I could have some kind of foundation to start to build this next step. I have honestly felt this strange mix of gratefulness and guilt for how provided for I’ve been my whole life, but I thankfully have the hindsight to know this is for a reason.
I feel it’s preparing me for what big next thing that is in store for me. Although, I have a million ideas and dreams I won’t even pretend I have it all sorted out. Honestly, life has brought me to so many beautifully challenging and rewarding places, that I have learned to trust the unfolding of things. What a beautiful gift walking through my life has given me, that perception of trusting the process and steady walking one foot in front of the other.
Since being in this beautiful place, I have been in awe of the views. Our property alone is enough to keep me enamored for all of my days but in our curiosity of the area we are being pulled to the stunning scenery all around us like magnets. Honestly you can’t even drive the grocery store without seeing something breathtaking. I have to constantly remind myself, that I get to live here. It doesn’t feel real.
Aside from my fears of if I could pull this all off, my biggest anxiety about moving was not feeling Steve anymore. I thought if I left the space we shared most of our time, he wouldn’t still be as present. I’m so relieved and overwhelmed with how much I do feel him here. When I see a stunning view I know he’s smiling at my excitement, I know he’s as giddy as I am as I obsess over the wild turkeys who come in our yard. I have had more clear dreams since being here, one repeatedly where he tells me, “I helped my parents and Erica make this happen for you, and I couldn’t be happier.”
Erica, my roommate, and Steve did have constant conversations about my next step and although we didn’t know she would be in the position to buy a house with me, she did tell him, not to worry that she was going to be there for me. Steve’s parents and him had many conversations about the house and although it wasn’t how we imagined the house to work out if it hadn’t had to be the way it was, then I wouldn’t be here today.
Each struggle I’ve experienced in life has led me to being strong enough to walk straight into a situation I knew would challenge me. I knew I could take care of Steve, not just because I knew love would guide me, but because my childhood prepared me. I know my time of caring for Steve has prepared me to be able to walk into whatever is calling me next in confidence.
Now to get fully settled in and continue to find my flow here. I’m slowing getting my creative time in, and working my way to being unpacked enough to not have the anxiety of clutter, and honestly this place called me here and I can not wait to see what it helps me to create!! Thank you again for continuing to support me. I hope you can feel Steve’s gratitude in not discontinuing to rally behind me when he left this realm. Thank you for sharing in the excitement with me. Your messages of joy have honestly taken my breath away. I truly feel honored to be chosen to live here and I cannot wait to continue to share it with you all.
It’s been a wild journey and if I could pull Steve down from the heavens to join me I would, but for now I’ll do the next best thing and that is to enjoy every day I’m gifted with down here in my little patch of Earth. I will remember to be grateful as I work through the challenges of life, and I will soak up every ounce of magic this place has to offer. Not just because I promised Steve I would, but because I know it’s why I’m here. I’m so thankful I’m here.